Recently I met a young mother who had 13 month old twin boys.  They looked well and happy and she looked confident in her care of her children.  She told me she had the support of a good Health Visitor but importantly, that she trusted her own intuition as to what her boys needed; when to wean them, bedtime routines, games and social interactions etc.

So while new parents may tap into expert advice and read about caring for a new baby and young children, it is worth them remembering that they are the experts regarding their child and to trust their intuition in adapting advice to suit their individual child.

 There is a need for an extra dose of self belief to help someone maintain their effort and motivation when the going gets tough.  The support of friends, family or perhaps a life coach can help someone to keep focus and faith in their ability, but in the end you are standing there alone and and the responsibility for any achievement is your own.  So it is worth being clear about the reason for your goal/objective and your level of motivation to achieve it.  Whether it is changing you career, finding a life partner or losing weight, being sure this is meaningful objective for you is the first step in maintaining motivation when the going gets tough, and also accepting that there is rarely a straight line towards success; often there are setbacks, some small and some rather daunting.

 Action: check out your motivation level before commiting yourself to a goal, otherwise you may waste your energy and feel a failure as well.

1.”Then the Almitra spoke again and said, And what of marriage master? 

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.

You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness.

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

2. Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

3. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

I have noticed people who feel under stress because they are finding it hard to cope with the transition to family life and the long term significant commitment which comes with having children, are often unable to give any time and energy to their intimate relationship.

 Sadly, the outcome may be separation and divorce, which is very disruptive, often results in financial hardship for everyone and loss of contact between one parent and the children.  I am certain that in a lot of these cases a bit of support from a family coach can help members of the family to clarify the issues, understand the other person’s perspective and explore solutions to issues highlighted; hopefully avoiding the path to the breakdown of the family unit. 

Jane Shire

The last time my friend visited the couple the husband looked very poorly and was exhausted after helping his wife to get washed and dressed and in her chair.  He required the help of my friend to get washed and dressed and yet he was still concerned with the comfort of his wife.  He told my friend that they were going into a home together within the next few days to see how they got on. When my friend left, husband and wife were sitting next to each other holding hands and he said a sweet goodbye.

The couple had been in the nursing home only two days when the husband died peacefully in his sleep knowing his wife had other people to care for her now.  The dignity and commitment shown by the husband in caring for his wife during those last few months inspires me and puts any worries or concerns I may have into perspective.

Many factors such as Stress, bereavement, being busy busy, relationship problems and illness can inhibit and shrink Head Space.

Why is Head Space so important?

When a person is able to access their Head Space regularly and efficently it ables them to be creative; the space has infinate motivation and energy, problems become less daunting and solutions to issues start tumbling over themselves to be used.  People describe it as feeing almost invincible, certainly more in control and with plenty of time to achieve their objectives.

So how does a person tap into and develop their own Head Space?

An individual may have several ways to access their Head Space or use one way all the time.  In coaching sessions I help clients explore their unique ways to access and develop their Head Space.  The following are just a few ways you may wish to explore:  Taking exercise such as a walk in the park, listen to your favourite music, a visit to a Spa, mediatation (very simple ones which don’t take long ,such as watching the branches of a tree moving in the wind and lsitening to the sounds around you without holding on to each stimulas; just noticing each one and letting them go).

Happy exploring of your own unique Head Space.

Jane

Jane Shire

Then why not book a half price one hour coaching session with me and give yourself chance to explore: where you are now, where you want to be in the furture, and what you want to happen.  It could be fun to work through changes you want but have not quite been able to commit to so far; always a reason to leave it until tomorrow!  Is now the time to stop saying “I’ll do that tomorrow?

Jane Shire www.lifeharmony.co.uk

For example when couples are going through a divorce, often one person does not want the divorce to happen (for a variety of reasons) and he or she can become so resistent to the process of getting divorced that they lose out, not just financially, but often in the important area of contact between the non-resident parent and the children.  Every one loses out if one person digs their heels in and is unable/unwilling to accept inevitable compromises that follow a divorce.  Sadly the children stuck in the middle of the situation may decide that the agro and tension involved in contact visits is just not worth it.

It really helps if a person can find someone to support them through difficult times and when difficult decisions have to be made, but that person must not impose their own agenda or ideas; an ideal support person listens to you, may suggest alternative perspectives, helps you consider various options and supports you as you impliment your decision.

Jane Shire